taking my writing out for a walk
thank you to everyone for the encouragement to stick with this poem – I’m continuing to work on it.
This touches deep places in the heart. I like the repeating chorus, and the balance of the connected verses. Cycle of life, joy and sorrow, giving and receiving, togetherness and loneliness, presence and absence…there is so much in this.
Seems like more than a first draft…a lot of work has already taken place.
Oh my goodness. Wow. This piece is so, just, wow. Thank you for sharing this. It comes on the heels of a trip back home to aging parents and an urge to be with them more.
This is lovely! You have tapped into the heart of a place and a relationship so very dear.
This is beautiful!!!! What a treat!
Oh, the rhythm of this poem! I hear the echo of the small waves that lap on lake shores… What are your plans for the next draft? I wonder if your revision will go more toward making changes in structure/meaning or in word choice? You are one talented lady.
@lucky gurl – well I played with a lot on the second draft – you can check it out here: https://wakeupandwrite.wordpress.com/2012/06/27/thank-you-everyone-for-the-encouragement/
This is a beautiful poem. It’s a beautiful tribute…like luckygurl, I thought the rhythm echoed the lapping of the waves onto the shore…
It reminds me of the Love You Forever book by Robert Munch-
@aruddteacher100 Yes, I felt the circle of life aspect of Love You Forever too – and decided to bring that out more in my second draft.
So powerful. Crying as I read the indented section. Sensitive, deep. I would love to hear this set to music. Thank you.
@pamela – funny you mention music. I wrote it entirely different and then it came to me in the night in a sing song.
Wow is right. I wish I had your glasses to see things the way you do. Then I would need your wisdom to put your thoughts into words. Thankfully I do have your work to read and to ponder, to admire and to cherish. Thank you for always touching my heart. This piece is amazing. It speaks of what is dear and what is precious – beginnings and endings- things we want to hold on to but can only have for a short time. Such an insight on those times.
Oh my gosh. Your talent and wisdom is such a gift. LOVE this. Work it. Send it. I am yet another wowed reader!
@okay Margie – I worked it!
This is truly beautiful, touching, moving. I loved the two stories, echoing, the baby girl, the aging mother…truly captures the “book ends” of life/love…the pleasure of raising a child, the sadness of watching our parents decline. Love the rhythm of the words, the repetition of the “seek the water, go to the water” stanza. Lovely.
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