August 22, 2017

36

Years married

3

Pregnancies

2

births

3

dogs

7

cats

(so far…)

3

rentals

1

house

1

condo

0

grandchildren

(yet…)

multitude of blessings

received

….. and to come

 

 

 

it was

It was a party but not really a party;

we were part of something unique in our lifetimes but we were at our place of work

and not with those we usually celebrate lifetime events with – I’m thinking weddings, baby births, anniversaries, deaths.

We were adults at work but teachers and caregivers among a play group of young children and their parents.

The children  had no idea there was something amazing and magical happening in the sky

and we couldn’t tell them to look up
so we kept going in and out of their play group
putting on our funny glasses
holding boxes with pin pricks in them
and colanders
and tubes

We couldn’t stop our chatter, we couldn’t stay at our desks, we couldn’t sit down.

It was truly something to behold

and share

and delight in.

It was a party.

 

passing time

Today is my son’s 29th birthday.

When my mom was 29, she already had 4 kids under the age of 5 and had recently moved into the home I remember the most and the neighborhood where my childhood memories are the most vivid.  We lived there for another 5 years before moving west.

When I turned 29, my oldest was 14 months old, and I was loving every minute of her coming toddlerhood. We were in the process of building a home with Self Help Homes but living in the home I moved into when I was 11 as my parents had moved but were unable to sell the home.  It was a magical time in my early marriage and early motherhood.

My son has good days and bad days.  He has good friends and he has a good heart and I know these two factors are the most important.

My daughter will soon be turning 33.

My mom was 33 when we moved west and I began the next significant portion of my childhood.  She went back to school and became a teacher and was highly engaged in our Girl Scouting lives.

When I was 33, I had just become the mother of a special needs child and was balancing work and motherhood.  Little did I know I was only at the cusp of “my real life.”

My daughter has taken a leap of faith and moved across the country to a new life, relationship and who knows what. She has good friends and knows her heart better than most people do.

My mom will soon be turning 84. I will turn 61 this year. My husband turns 65.

We never know which of our years will be the significant ones, the ones that become markers or noted by others. The timelines of our loved ones become measures for our lives only because we are familiar with them and usually have been participants however innocent we are at the time.  Reflecting builds comprehension, acceptance and compassion for ourselves and those we love.

inner clock

Today was the day.

The wind was shifty and boisterous, the clouds a little darker than usual, and there was that scent – just a teeny whiff but it was there – of September and autumn.

Yesterday evening I stood on my parent’s dock and jumped gleefully into the lake; the evening was hot and it felt the way August usually feels, like an expensive gift you’ve just opened but know you won’t get much use of so every excuse justifies its existence.

And then this morning I sat in the coffee shop and felt September digging around in the closet for her sweater and rain boots – just in case.

stationary

I had some extra time today before my Pilates class and I spent it wondering around a shop looking at stationary.  I love to purchase “greeting” cards.  Sometimes I’m looking for a birthday card or a special card for a friend.  I look for cards that have the kind of message I would want to hear and a personal visual that says “This card made me think of  you and it is important to me to share my feelings about you, with you, right now.”

I often buy cards just for myself – because who knows better what I want to be hearing and seeing at any particular moment.

bearings

the word that popped into my head tonight – funny/curious that it has so many relevant meanings for this time and place

a person’s way of standing or moving

relation or relevance

the level to which something bad can be tolerated

a part of a machine that bears friction, especially between a rotating part and its housing

a structural part that supports weight

the direction or position of something, or the direction of movement, relative to a fixed point

awareness of one’s position relative to one’s surroundings

 

 

Absence

I’ve been absent from this space.

I’m not sure why.

Many times thoughts came to my mind and I paused..

thinking maybe I should write something

but instead

I knit

or just sat

Watching

birds at the feeders

cats at play

sun beams

not thinking in words

so

no writing

Too bad writing requires words