Halfway through this year I realized that even though there were opportunities to maintain my friendships and keep communication going in a variety of ways, I had no interest in trying. What used to be so natural to me – texting on the phone, sending a quick email, arranging for a walk – seemed to be as taxing as scheduling a dentist appointment. Every little thing inside me was sighing: why bother.
I still have those feelings. I think it’s because I have to be online and on tap for my work hours so when that day stops, the last thing I want to do is be outwardly focused.
And yet, over the course of the last few months I have signed up for a global postcard exchange, and joined penpal sites and have 2 penpals. I look forward to mailbox visits even though the process is slow I get excited when I get a card or a letter. Writing letters is a quiet and easy way to reach out. I guess I should write my friends.
I think that is what I’m grieving. I want the updates and the rich conversation but the venue I seek for that is gone right now. Six foot walks are the best and luckily the weather is turning, more people are getting vaccinated and I have hope for some walking-talking- connecting time.